Grumpy Old Sod's Law

Gordoom in Helmand

Henry Crun — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 11:09:30 +0000

Alright, own up! Who invited this cunt to the wedding?

Who the Fuck is Archie Mitchell?

Henry Crun — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 10:08:44 +0000

Every bastard BBC radio programme is going on about some bloke called Archie Mitchell, who has been killed but they don't know who killed him?

I don't know who killed Archie Mitchell, Archie Andrews, Archie Bunker or The Archers for that matter. Nor do I care.

I'd far rather the BBC concentrate on finding out who killed Dr. David Kelly.

Gordoom on Telly

Henry Crun — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 13:22:55 +0000

Dear Gordoom

I didn't watch your command performance on Piers Moron's programme for Hello! readers on Sunday. There was no need. The meejah has been full of previews and reports of what you were going to say for the previous week anyway.

I do however note the following:

1. You lost an eye in your teens (allegedly playing rugby)

2. Your daughter died when she was a few weeks old

3. Your son has a serious illness

4. The country's finances are in the shitter

5. The Labour Party is all but bankrupt

6. You have presided over a rotten parliament beset by sleaze and expense troughing.

7. Every company you have ever visited has ended up either closing its doors or laying off a large percentage of its workforce

8. Your biographers and other people who have written books about your time in office as Chancellor and Prime Minister don't have a good word to say about you.

9. Your party is about to get thoroughly trashed at the next general election.

This leads me to just one conclusion, Gordoom. You are a fucking JINX!

Blogging Break

Henry Crun — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 15:41:22 +0000

A mixture of work, work related travel, blogging fatigue brought on by someone about whom I had blogged but didn't have any knowledge that I had blogged about his circumstances being threatened with legal action because of stuff I had written on this and another blog, and general lack of energy to really rail at life, the universe and global warming.

Normal services will be resumed soon. I promise.

Concept Car Credit - RESULT!!

Henry Crun — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 21:06:39 +0000

The pensioner got his refund. In full.

If you want to know the full story, I can't tell you any more.

I might later but without mentioning names.

Buff & Patsy: Afternoon of the Short Butter Knives

Henry Crun — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 12:11:37 +0000

Buff Hoon and Patsy "Honey I Bankrupted the NHS" Hewitt starred in yesterday's failed coup attempt to prise Gordoom Brownfinger's chewed to the cuticle fingernails from the levers of power. Or at least the false lever that Little Lord Fondleboy has installed at No10 Downing Street. No one in their right mind, and I'm sure there may be one or two in the Labour Party, would actually let Gordoom near anything that resembles anything to do with power. Except maybe a light switch or the electric kettle.

Now two things sprung to mind about the farago yesterday. The first is that it was either a desperate attempt by friends of Saint Tony Bellum Illegalis to exact revenge on Gordoom, which only served to demonstrate that the Labour Party couldn't organise a gang bang in a brothel. Or it was a cleverly orchestrated charade by Little Lord Fondleboy to keep Gordoom firmly in place regardless of the outcome of the forthcoming election. Make no mistake, Fondleboy has his own Macchiavellian agenda to secure his own future before Labour's inevitable electoral annihilation, and any risk of that agenda being thwarted will see him stop at nothing to mitigate that risk.

So, we are still stuck with the miserable Scottish bastard until the election. The only good thing is that it will make the schadenfreude taste all the sweeter on election night. Celebratory brandy and cigars ready and waiting.

Raedwald, Missing Presumed Got At

Henry Crun — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 14:39:21 +0000

Nipped over to Raedwald's excellent blog this morning to catch up on my reading.

It is gone!! Anyone know why Raedwald has decided to close his most excellent blog?

Update 31/12/2009 14.45: Raedwald's blog has been deleted by Blogger. As yet, Raedwald has been unable to ascertain why. Hopefully it will be restored to its former glory as sson as possible. Messages of support can be left here.

Advice for Travellers to The Far East

Henry Crun — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 11:23:02 +0000

Backpackers and holidaymakers going to Far Eastern destinations would do well to heed the following warning:

If, by some misfortune, you find yourself in trouble with the local authorities in some third world shithole, make contact with either the British Embassy, Consulate, or High Commission. Ask them to ensure, that under no circumstances whatsoever is David Milibanana or Gordoom Brownfinger to involve themselves in any way whatsoever. No one listens to those two useless fuckers anyway.

Concept Car Credit - POST REMOVED

Henry Crun — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 16:32:13 +0000

REMOVED.

HAPPY NOW?

Liam Donaldson Dresses Up As Nanny Again

Henry Crun — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 10:33:17 +0000

The Labour Party in Office's chief medical nanny is back to his usual scaremongering self. Not content with over-egging the swine flu epidemic, still I'm sure the GSK divvy will come in useful for a few jereboams of champers, the meddling shit is now telling parents how not to bring up their children on alcohol.

That's right, don't let your children drink before the age of 15. That puts paid to the gripe water industry.

I let my son (not yet 15) have a shandy, or a half a glass of lager or cider or wine when we sit down to a celebratory family meal. I even let my daughter (still single digit age-wise) also have a shandy. Does that make me a bad parent?. Apparently it does. Apparently I have consigned my offspring to a life of binge drinking and alcoholism.

Tell you what Mr. Donaldson, you stick to reading Grey's Anatomy and leave me to bring up my own childen the way I see fit. Just fuck off and mind your own business.

BA Strike - Don't Blame The Cabin Crew

Henry Crun — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 09:46:57 +0000

As British Airways prepares for 12 days of strike action, a classic act of deflection of blame is under way. Listening to FiveLive this morning, every second caller is trotting out the "they are lucky to have a job during the recession". But I fear that the "general public" are missing the point.

At some stage in the past, a work study will have been done to determine the number of cabin crew required per type of flight - short, medium and long haul. In order to save a few pennies, one of the measures undertaken by BA is to reduce the number of cabin crew by one. This would have been proposed by two departments - Finance and Human Remains Resources. These two departments cause more trouble in any organisation than any other. And I hate them and the people who work in them with a passion.

Finance - bean counters with no understanding of the bigger picture. All they focus on are the numbers in front of them caring little for tradition, history or the people than make up an organisation. Too many times have I seen these socially retarded morons put the kibosh on project after project because they can't see further than the end of their spreadsheets.

But my hatred for the useless wankers in the human remains resources dept. knows no bounds. These are the faceless bureaucrats of the business world. The twats that come up with stupid slogans, spend oodles of company cash on morale boosting initiatives, presentations, company videos, posters and other meaningless bullshit to supposedly boost the morale of the workforce. I have but one morale booster - appreciation for a job well done. Anything else is superfluous and only serves for HR to justify their presence within the organisation. Human Remains Resources should have but one purpose - administration of the personnel files and nothing else. Constant restructuring of departments and rearranging the furniture adds no value to an organisation whatsoever.

Rest assured that one of these faceless, soulless morons has come up with the idea of reducing headcount at BA. It is for the human remains department that our anger must be reserved not the people in the air who know what the job actually entails and the impact of reducing crew numbers. Willie Walsh, you are a stupid cunt for listening to the toadies in your own human remains resources department.

As an aside, I'm amazed that the gullible public are so outraged at the strike action and are not rejoicing at the reducion in CO2 emissions that will result by the reduction of BA flights this Christmas.

Is Darling a Cross-Dresser?

Henry Crun — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 13:27:25 +0000

Hear the Prime Minister refer to the Chancellor as "Alison"!

Just click on the Click to Play thingummy.

2010: Warmest Year On Record

Henry Crun — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 09:51:41 +0000

We're still three weeks away from 2010, but already we are told that it will be "THE WARMEST YEAR ON RECORD IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND EVER", by the Met Office.

Yes the same Met Office that told us this summer just gone would be a "BBQ SUMMER". Well it wasn't. It was wet and not very warm at all. If we managed three BBQs at all last summer, it was a lot. I lit the Weber just to keep the buddlea warm.

Government Services Director, Rob Varley, said: "Our long-range forecasts are proving useful to a range of people, such as emergency planners and the water industry, in order to help them plan ahead.

Plan ahead for what exactly Rob?

They are not forecasts which can be used to plan a summer holiday or inform an outdoor event."

Not the annual company picnic or a weekend away at Bognor Regis, then? Because, truth be told, you really don't know, with any degree of certainty, whether it is going to be wind, rain or shine next Tuesday. The only thing you can be sure of, as my granddad used to say: It''ll either snow or go dark before the morning.

The article in The Independent has more caveats that one of Gordooms pre-Budget Reports. Full of "coulds", "likelys" and "expecteds" and people like George Soros demanding government money for third world countries. Tell you what George, why don't you give up all your worldly wealth to finance a new fleet of government Mercedes Benzes in Burkino Faso?

But I digress. Most likely, the 2010 temperature data is already on an email attachment somewhere at the Hadley CRU marked - "Next Year's summer temperatures. Shhh don't tell anyone but we made it up"

Badger Announces Boiler Scrappage Scheme

Henry Crun — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 16:05:40 +0000

During the Labour Party's Pre-Budget Fuck Everyone Up The Arse Statement, Badger announced a new scheme to scrap old boilers.

Well that's 4 old boilers that could do with being scrapped!

Gordoom Converts to Scientology*

Henry Crun — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 10:00:40 +0000

As Gordoom sets out on foot to Copenhagen to the Scientology* Summit, he writes:

Today we face a global challenge whose solution, for decades until now, has appeared beyond our reach – impossible, unaffordable and unworkable.

Who writes this tosh for him. Same old mantra. Global this and global that and his beloved word pronounced "soh-lew-shuns". Fucks sake Gordoom, get another speech writer.

Let no one be in any doubt about the overwhelming scientific evidence that underpins the Copenhagen conference. The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change brings together over 4,000 scientists from every corner of the world. Their recent work has sharpened, not diminished, the huge and diverse body of evidence of human-made global warming. Its landmark importance cannot be wished away by the theft of a few emails from one university research centre. On the contrary, the pernicious anti-scientific backlash that the emails have unleashed has exposed just what is at stake.

But Gordoom, it is not that a "few emails" that were either leaked or lifted from the CRU that is the crux of the issue. It is the content of those emails that has brought the "science" into question. It is not a "pernicious anti-science backlash" at all. It reveals the perniciousness of the global warm-mongers to manipulate the data to fit the theory, it reveals the dishonesty of the global warm-mongers to deny other scientists the oppurtunity to examine the data and test the theory. You know, proper scientific method. Not "here's a theory, let's present it as fact and develop tax raising policy around it" You are beginning to sound like your predecessor whose credo was "I support this therefore it is a good idea" rather than it's a good idea therefore I will support it.

The purpose of the climate change deniers' campaign is clear, and the timing no coincidence. It is designed to destabilise and undermine the efforts of the countries gathering in Copenhagen today.

So we're "deniers" are we? Hmm, does that put us on the same footing as holocaust deniers? No, Gordon you horsecock, It is designed to reveal the blatant dishonesty of the snakeoil salesmen that would seek to deprive millions of people across the globe, whilst enriching themselves. You know, like the High Priest of Global Warming, Al Gore. How much money has he added to his personal fortune off the back of peddling his brand of bullshit around the world. You have bankrupted your own country, sold our political and legal sovereignty to your EU mates, and now you want to further impoverish the nation by taking even more of our GDP and piss it away on yet another ponzi scheme.

...Copenhagen is poised to achieve a profound historical transformation: reversing the road we have travelled for 200 years.

Over that time we have based our prosperity on burning fossil fuels and cutting down forests. Now we need to create wealth and quality of life, not by putting carbon into the atmosphere but by taking it out. We need to build, in short, a low carbon economy. And not just at home: our aim must be to do this in every major economy of the world.

Oh fuck sake where to start. Gordon, really if you honestly think that CO2 is the single biggest driver of the climate then you really are as deluded as you appear on television. So by depriving plants of the ingredient vital for photosynthesis, you think this is a good thing. And your soh-lew-shun is to impoverish all the major economies, and expect businesses to accept unrealistic and unachievable carbon reduction targets and fine them if they don't. What a fucking great wheeze. In fact, why not just tax every man, woman and child for the oxygen they extract from the atmosphere?

This will involve change: a shift from the energy dictatorship of oil and traditional fossil fuels to the efficiency, self-reliance and security of low carbon energy systems, which will be the engine of growth and job creation over the coming decade.

Fantastic. So, just like the Common Agricultural Policy that destroys mountains of food and pays farmers not to farm, we are now going to pay Arabs not to drill for oil. Waste of time that Iraq war, then.

When I first said leaders should go to Copenhagen, I wanted to ensure that there was as little room for failure as possible. More than 100 leaders are now attending. If by the end of next week we have not got an ambitious agreement, it will be an indictment of our generation that our children will not forgive. I will be doing everything in my power to ensure we succeed.

No Gordoom, you want them to go so you can have as many "I saved the planet" phot opportunities as possible and will be able to chase Obama around the conference centre like the Andrex puppy running after a bog-roll. We are not fooled...not long to go before we get to chuck you out on your worthless, incompetent, spotty arse.

*Just like Scientology, the Church of Climate Change/Global Warming is also designed to fleece the gullible of all their worldly wealth.

Amir Khan - Plays Race Card Too Early

Henry Crun — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 16:35:22 +0000

Olympic silver medallist, Amir Khan reckons that he isn't regarded as a superstar because he isn't white.

Bollocks.

Amir, if you were any good, you'd be regarded as a superstar. If you fought any boxers of note rather than the palookas your promoter keeps lining up for you, perhaps then you might regarded as a worthy boxer. One light welterweight title does not a superstar make.

“It’s probably jealousy and sometimes skin colour does make a difference,” the fighter said. “I would be a superstar in Britain. I never get racial remarks [said to my face], but it’s always out there, which you can’t stop. You just live and learn about what people are like. I just choose to ignore them.”

Again, bollocks.

Frank Bruno, Nigel Benn, Chris Eubank and Lennox Lewis and now David Haye. All non-white boxers, all regarded as superstars. So your contention that skin colour makes a difference is complete arsebiscuits.

And you know what, Amir? Your dad agrees with me.

So stop whinging, get Frank to get you some decent opposition, and then we might start taking you seriously again.

Warning To Link Spammers

Henry Crun — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 09:39:10 +0000

In recent weeks, this blog has been plagued by visitors leaving inane comments with links to some or other commercial enterprise - not the usual penis enlargement scheme or hard-on inducing medication, but actual proper companies offering real products and services.

This is link spamming. It will not boost your employer's client's google ratings and it is not an efficient method of search engine optimisation or pay per click. You, the link spammer, are most likely being paid pennies to leave these inane comments on blogs. Comments that will most likely end up being deleted and therefore you, the link spammer, will not be paid. If you have an employer that asks you to do this, then I would suggest that you tell your employer to shove his job as far up his arse as it will go. Do something more worthwhile with your life.

I haven't asked your employer's clients to promote my blog on their websites, so there's no good reason as to why I should promote their company/website/goods/services on mine.

In addition, if you continue to leave such comments on my blog, often on posts so old not even I go back and read them, from now on, the following will happen:

1. The comment will remain in place.

2. I will contact the commercial enterprise and ask them who is responsible for their website's SEO operation.

3. I will issue the SEO provider and the commercial enterprise with an invoice for £1000.00 in return for advertising on my blog.

4. If payment is not forthcoming, I will pursue you the link spammer for payment, after all you placed the advert on my blog. Smalls claims court is very helpful in this regard so I suggest you apprise yourself as to how that works, you will need to know how to prepare a convincing defence.

5. If you, your employer, or your employer's clients don't wish to be invoiced for an advertising fee, then just FUCK OFF and leave my blog alone.

I Said Mama Weer All Paedos Now

Henry Crun — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 14:22:20 +0000

Is what Slade might sing in this new age of parental/adult mistrust so beloved of the current government.

In today's Sunday Times is the lead story of parents having to undergo CRB checks to accompany their own children on a short walk to a Sunday morning Chirstmas Carol service.

WTF?!!!

And what illiberal fuckstick thinks it's agood idea to do this? Step forward:

Moronic, common sense lacking bureaucrat

Graham McArthur, headmaster of Somersham primary school in Cambridgeshire, said checks on the two dozen parents volunteering to walk his 330 pupils to the carol service at nearby St John’s church on December 17 were necessary — even though they will be accompanied by teachers and a police community support escort when crossing the road....

Right, so in broad daylight, under the watchful eye of a PCSO and teachers, parents will still need to be vetted to walk alongside their own children a few hundred yards from the school to the church. Why? Is some perverted parent going to drag little Tarquin off into the bushes for a quick kiddyfiddle? If I was Mr. MacArthur, I'd do a check on the PCSO, just in case.

So tell me Mr. McArthur, how much is this going to cost, and who pays for it?

“For the carol service they will need clearance [from the banned list] which is basically something we can do on the day.You need to see details of who they are, where they live and make several phone calls.

Right, So whose job will it be to spend all day on Thursday running round checking that Mummy and Daddy actually live in the same house as Chardonnay, Ishtar, Tarquin, Tyrone, Katie-Jordan and Clitoris-Jane?

“Parents accept it’s about safeguarding the welfare of children. They accept it only has to be done once and it’s a necessary chore.”

Do they Graham? Do they really? Or do they mutter under their breath what a complete and utter fuckstick you are for checking up on them when there is absolutely no need for this whatsoever?

And what about your staff? Have they acquiesced to this bureaucratic bullshit, have none of them had a quiet word in your shell-like and said "Hang on a minute Graham, don't you think this is a little OTT?" ? Or have you merely shut them up with the old "well it's a child safety policy thing and we really must cover our own arses?"

What's next? CRB checks for parents who venture within 50 yards of the school gate when delivering or collecting their own children from school?

Isn't life under NuLabia wonderful?.

Open Letter to David Cameron

Henry Crun — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 10:41:56 +0000

Dear Mr. Cameron

Until recently I had considered seriously voting for your PPC for the High Peak constituency, Andrew Bingham. Mainly because Andrew represented the best hope for unseating the incumbent Labour Party parliamentary representative to the High Peak, Tom Levitt. Mr. Levitt will be standing down at the next election and, no doubt, some other Labour Party representative will be parachuted in. Whoever it is will be on a hiding to nothing because the politburo have decided not to support the local party seriously enough to contest the seat. Also, I have no doubt in my mind that Andrew Bingham will represent the consitituency in the House of Commons to the best of his abilities, unlike Mr. Levitt who has been a Labour yes man all his parliamentary career.

The main reasons for my current doubts are:

1. The European Union.

I never had a say in the signing of the Lisbon Treaty by Gordon Brown. He has stolen the sovereignty of the British people and sold it for nought. The EU is a corrupt cabal of bureaucrats passing ever increasingly illiberal directives which member states are bound to implement as law within their own states. We contribute £40m per day to this charade. £40m per day that could be better used within our own borders to reduces the ridiculous deficit that Gordon Brown, through his own economic incompetence, has inflicted on our country for generations to come.

Will you promise that, if elected PM, you will renegotiate the United Kingdom's status within the EU? The argument that withdrawal from the EU would damage the economy or leave us isolated from the rest of the world is specious at best. Norway and Switzerland thrive without being fully fledged EU members.

2. Climate Change/Global Warming.

Mr. Cameron, you appear to be wedded to the scam that is global warming/climate change. In the past week, we have seen publication of data and emails from the Hadley CRU. Serious questions must be asked about the integrity of the data and methodology used for analysing that data and by extension the integrity of the IPCC reports. Billions of dollars and pounds have been poured into researching climate change/global warming. Reasearch that now appears to be nothing more than an elaborate fraud. Indeed the world's leading proponent and spokesman, Al Gore is earning in the region of $500m per annum on the back of this scam.

This morning, there are reports that the funding earmarked to tackle climate change in third world countries cannot be accounted for. Where has this money gone?

Will you, if elected, set up a public enquiry into the so-called phenomenon of global warming. An enquiry in which those scientists who have expressed scepticism can present their own evidence without fear of being compared to a holocaust denier. An enquiry where the evidence presented by the promoters of global warming can be examined and challenged. Science is never settled. Consensus belongs in the political sphere not science.

3. The Country's Finances

Will you, if elected, call in the auditors and present a true set of accounts to the country? This must include the extent to which Gordon Brown, both as Chancellor and Prime Minister has mismanaged the country's finances. Those accounts must show how much money has been poured into Northen Rock, Royal Bank of Scotland and Lloyds HBOS, as well as the extend of PFI and public sector pensions.

4. Gordon Brown, the Labour government and PMQs

Mr. Cameron, I understand that you are reluctant to play the man rather than the ball. The forthcoming election campaign will be one of the nastiest in the political history of this country. The Prime Minister thinks nothing of smearing his political enemies, both inside and outside of his own party. We saw earlier this year that his inner circle of advisors were fully prepared to smear yourself, George Osborne and other senior Tories by rumour and untruth. He is a thoroughly nasty individual. The Prime Minister will stand up at noon today and trot out a list of tractor statistics, overblown achievements, spin, lies and not answer a single question you put to him. Please remind him that Questions to the Prime Minister are supposed to illicit an honest answer and that the session is not called Conservative Policy Presentation Time.

5. The BBC.

If elected, will you abolish the TV licence fee? The BBC has shown itself to be nothing more than a ministry for propaganda either by biased reporting or by omission of pertinent detail from news reports. It is time, in this modern digital television and radio age, that the BBC stood on its own two feet.

It has always been my belief that voting is not just a right or a privilege, it is a duty. A duty to the good men and women who gave their lives during two world wars and the numerous military actions since. Good men and women continue to give their lives in Afghanistan despite this government's reluctance to provide them with adequate equipment or strategic guidance.

So you can see that I am in something of a quandary for the forthcoming election. I want to vote, however I'm not confident enough now that the new boss will be that much better than the old boss. I seriously doubt that the other parties, the LibDems or UKIP offer much of a credible alternative.

Mr. Cameron, can you assure me that should I put a cross in the box next to Mr. Bingham's name on the ballot paper that it is a vote worth casting.

Yours sincerely

Exclusive Interview With New EU President

Henry Crun — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 09:47:24 +0000

Yesterday the EU appointed a President to oversee the affairs of the EU. I have been most honoured in being the first blogger to be offered an exclusive interview with the new President, Rambling Syd Rumpo*.

HC: Good Morning Rambling Syd

Rambling Syd: 'Ello me deario

HC: Congratulations on becoming EU President

Rambling Syd: Thank you me deario for your kind congratulations.

HC: Were you surprised to be appointed President?

Rambling Syd: Certainly. The only other high office I have held is judge at the annual goosenadgers fair. So yes, me deario, I was very surprised.

HC: When you take office, what do you think is going to be your biggest challenge.

Rambling Syd: Well, me deario, cordwangling the French and the Germans for sure. Getting the Spanish to fall into line with the new munging greebles legislation, and appointing my good friends Julian and Sandy from Bona Law to the European Court.

Julian and Sandy: Ooooooh! Hello Mr. Crun. How very nice to see your dolly eek again.

HC: Good morning chaps.

Julian: Chaps, chaps. How very dare you. we are not cowboys.

HC: Sorry, not offence meant. How do you feel about moving to the Continent.

Sandy: Divine. Sitting, sipping a tiny drinkette, vada·ing the great butch omis and dolly little palones trolling by, or disporting yourself on the sable plage getting your lallies all bronzed - your riah getting bleached by the soleil.

HC: And where will you live?

Julian: We've got an ami down there who'll rent us his lattie

Sandy: Who?

Julian: Gordon. You remember him.

Sandy: Oh, yes. That Gordon. Him with the leather jeans and jackets and goggles and helmet and things. Looked like a kinky AA man. Him who had the bar in Tangiers?

Julian: Yes. The Rocking Horse in the Rue des Matelots.

Sandy: Has he give up the bar?

Julian: Yes. Fell through. She walked out on him.

Sandy: What? The old boiler?

Julian: Yes· She moved on.

Julian: Hmm. Thought she would.

HC: Sorry to interrupt you but if I was interviewing the new EU President..

Julian: Sorry. We was just having a wander down Memory Lane. Now - if we drop Gordon a 1ittle telegramette, I'm sure he'll accommodate if we say you're a chum. Do come and visit

HC: Thanks fellas, I'll keep it in mind. Back to you Syd. Is there anything you'd like to say to the European people?

Rambling Syd: If I may, I'd like to leave my troubador days behind, me dearios. So this will be my last song to you.

*With sincere apologies to Kenneth Horne and Kenneth Williams

Labour's Funniest Home Video

Henry Crun — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 12:39:26 +0000

Dizzy postulates that the video below might be used as an election tool by Labour.

Workingclasstory has done an excellent fisking (in red) of the video, which I have, with his kind permission reproduced below and added some comments of my own:

It's the fighters and believers who change our world
They said that working people were not fit to govern
So we formed the Labour party

Which was bankrolled by the metropolitan middle class elitist Fabian Society
When they told us women didn't deserve the vote
We fought
And won

The Tories gave women the vote

Interestingly enough, when Emmeline Pankhurst applied to join the Labour Party, her application was rejected on account of her gender.

They said the son of a miner could never become a minister
But no-one told Nye Bevan

When did they say that? They didn't, because it obviously wasn't true. Miners had been ministers in several Labour governments before Attlee's. For example, the Labour Secretary for Scotland, William Adamson, was an ACTUAL MINER, not just the son of one. So Nye Bevan is completely irrelevant in this.
At one time it seemed impossible to stop the tide of fascism, until Cable Street and a few good men and women got in the way
Who were unrelated to Labour

I think history shows that it was the hundreds of thousands of men and women who gave their lives between 1939 and 1945 that put paid to fascism.

But notice that there is no mention of stopping the tide of Marxism, celebrating the dismantling of the Berlin Wall, or condemnation of the murders perpetrated by Stalin, Chairman Mao, Castro and Guevara. Indeed the cabinet is staffed with communists (Straw, Miliband, Miliband, Mandelson, Johnson et al)

The bright shining vision of the National Health Service
was for many an impossible dream, until we created it
They said we were wasting our time making a stand against Apartheid
and that things could never change, but they did

Yes, they did, but Labour had nothing to do with that.

Nelson Mandela was released from prison in the early nineteen nineties and came to power in 1994 a full three years before Tony "TV Evangelist" Bliar was elected to office. If by making a stand they mean robbing banks and digging up cricket pitches, well that just doesn't quite cut it.

And in Northern Ireland too

Badly

With Sinn Fein MPs claiming second home allowances and expenses for their seats in a Parliament they have no intention of attending.

Rights for workers
SureStart
The minimum wage
Cancelling debt for developing countries

And running up nearly two trillion pounds worth of debt for your own country.

All had to be won

How do you "win" a minimum wage? "Oooh! I won SureStart!"

The history of Britain is the story of fighting for the right thing against the odds

Care to show Churchill at this point? No.

Sir Alex lifting the Cup

Manchester United winning the Cup was the "right thing"? What? Why?

Because Slur Alex is a chippy Glaswegian Labour Party donor, that's why?

Dame Tammie reaching for the line
JK Rowling opening rejection letters from her bedsit in Edinburgh

Again, how is this "the right thing"?

Ah, the usual tactic of success by association.

The dream to bring the pleasure of reading to our children

Shame the government she donates millions of pounds to has increased illiteracy.

So here's to the fighters

At this point, they show Kinnock. Who lost. Twice.

The true Brits
The ones who never gave up
Who came from behind ...

Juxtaposing that commentary with a shot of Gordoom takes a special kind of editing skill

...to win the day
Sharing the same commitment
We can succeed
Because we must - because we're unemployable anywhere else...

Said in a very menacing voice.

Who Do You Think You Are Fooling Mr. Levitt?

Henry Crun — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 11:39:41 +0000

The Labour Party representative to The High Peak has announced he will be stepping down when Gordoom has a ruch of courage to the head and finally calls and election. His excuse is that he wants to spend more time with his hairdryer - the one the taxpayers funded.

However, with a majority of around 700, I suspect that his reasons are more to do with being abandoned by The Kremlin. With no money to splash out on contesting the marginals Mr. Levitt will be left to fend for himself hoping to be returned by an increasingly hostile electorate. He's obviously looked at the pension payout and decided to cut and run while the going's good.

Let's look at Mr. Levitt's parliamentary voting record:

Voted moderately against a transparent Parliament.

Voted moderately for introducing a smoking ban.

Voted strongly for introducing ID cards.

Voted very strongly for introducing foundation hospitals.

Voted strongly for introducing student top-up fees.

Voted very strongly for Labour's anti-terrorism laws.

Voted very strongly for the Iraq war.

Voted very strongly against an investigation into the Iraq war.

Voted very strongly for replacing Trident.

Voted very strongly for the hunting ban.

Voted very strongly for equal gay rights.

Voted moderately for laws to stop climate change.

Not exactly a ringing endorsement, is it Tom?

An Englishman's Home

Henry Crun — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 09:20:52 +0000

It used to be said that an Englishman's home is his castle. Sadly this is no longer the case.

Labour in office (from now on I refuse to refer to them as the government as they were not and are not fit to govern) has passed endless creeping legislation to allow an ever increasing swathe of stickybeaks and prodnoses to enter our homes on the slightest pretext.

If you run a business from home, expect a dawn raid from HMRC.

If you fail to pay your council tax, expect the bailiffs to call under Proceeds From Crime Act legislation.

The final straw is this: Health and Safety inspectors can call on you to make sure that your home is safe enough for children to live in.

What the fucking fuckety fuck?! What complete and utter cunting moron sat at his or her desk one morning and came up with this one? He or she needs to be taken outside, strung upside down from the bough of a Horse Chestnut tree, flayed with a cat of nine tails and sprayed with salt water and left to dessicate.

Any H&S arsewipe trying to gain entry to my property will find him/herself looking at this:

Last week, was the 20th anniversary of the dismantling of the Berlin Wall. The bricks may have been removed, but the sentiments are alive and well and living in the dark hearts of Labour party apparatchiks.

Gordon Brown - Man of Letters

Henry Crun — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 09:07:06 +0000

As the furore over Gordon Brown's letter to Jamie Janes's mum rumbles on, so the blogosphere can't make up it's mind whether the spelling mistakes are symptomatic of Gordoom's failing eyesight, a hastily written scrawl so as to appear personable and sincere, or an attempt by The Sun to make Gordoom look bad. Personally, I don't think he needs The Sun's help on that last point.

The ever eloquent Mr. Eugenides has two posts both of which castigate Murdoch's rag. On the first post entitled "In defence of Gordon Brown", I left the following comment:

It's the faux sincerity that does it for me. Which Chancellor cut the defence budget year on year since 1997? Yes, Gordon Brown.

He writes these letters and reads out the names of the fallen each week so as to appear concerned for the well being of the soldiers and their families.

230 soldiers have died in Afghanistan, 96 since the start of the year. How many times has Gordon Brown gone down to Wootten Bassett or attended any of the military funerals? None, not a single one. So much for his sincere condolences.

To which Trixy from "Is there more to life than shoes" responded:

No politicians go to Wootton Bassett except the local MP James Gray. This is because the repatriation honour guards which line the High Street of Wootton Bassett were started at grass roots and not by politicians. There is a strong desire that politicians don't go to these days and politicise them for they are about the people of the town showing their respect and thanks to the fallen on behalf of the nation.

I agree that not all politicians or MPs should descend on Wootten Basset every time a C130 comes into land, and that they should not attend military funerals. Except where the fallen soldier's family is personally known to them or is a member of his/her constituency. However, my original point is that Gordoom hasn't once been to Wootten Basset to meet one of the planes nor attended a single military funeral. The difference being, of course, is that in his capacity as Prime Minister he signs the Executive Orders sending the troops into battle. The least he can do is attend. Although, at the moment, he'd be spending more time at funerals than attending official engagements.

So, back to the letter. I don't think it is so much insincerity, poor eyesight, poor handwriting or an inability to spell but rather writer's cramp.

Football Shorts

Henry Crun — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 11:47:05 +0000

In a recent interview, Ryan Giggs expressed his desire to become manager of Wales.

This is all very well Ryan, but who would be in charge for the friendlies.

Reds Show True Colours

Henry Crun — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 10:00:19 +0000

This weekend a minute's silence will be observed at all league football fixtures up and down the country. Premier League teams have agreed to embroider poppies onto their kits for their matches with the exception of Manchester United, Liverpool and Bolton.

So why have the two biggest griefmongers (Munich & Hillsborough) in sport decided not to wear the poppy this weekend.

The excuse is that it won't stand out against the red shirts. Arsenal play in red, let's see what their shirt looks like:

Oh!

Congratulations President Karzi

Henry Crun — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 13:04:47 +0000

Dear Mo

I can't tell you how delighted I am that you have appointed yourself as President of Afghanistan. I too, managed to become Prime Minister by avoiding an election. And I've been avoiding them ever since. You just need enough information about your opponents to make sure they don't stand against you. My good friend Bob in Zimbabwe has shown me how it's done, although he seems to prefer less subtle methods.

Now that you are President you can get the little people to do your bidding. I'll send Damien over for a couple of weeks to show you how to put false stories about your opponents in the press. Make sure you only employ cronies, although I'm sure I'm preaching to the converted on that score, LOL.

I have to say that you really should be more careful when stuffing ballot boxes. Use postal voting, it's far more effective to use postal votes and getting community leaders to fill them in for everybody. Also make sure that when one of your cronies does get elected, make sure that the electoral commission lose all the voting records afterwards.

You might find that when you do become unpopular people will start saying horrid things about you and poking fun at you on the internet. If I thought any one of the useless twats in my cabinet could do the job of fucking Britain up the arse as well as I have, I'd resign in a heartbeat.

Your friend

Gordon

TRAITOR!!

Henry Crun — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 08:59:02 +0000

Give Us A Tee!

Henry Crun — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 10:27:51 +0000

Gratuitous image of cheerleader

First he wasn't, then he was. Not only indecisive about his biscuit choice (chocolate fingers are his favourite, or at least that's what Little Lord Fondleboy reckons), Gordoom didn't know whether to cheerlead for his "old pal" Tony as leader of the new EU club. Turns out none of the other boys and girls like Tony or his slot-gobbed grasping missus either.

However, Saint Tone of Baghdad has joined another gang whose leader is some German lad who use to run with some dubiously uniformed types back in the old days. Perhaps Tone has his sights set on becoming a cardinal in that gang, because let's face it once you reach the top of that organisation, you're pretty much infallible. The Labour Party seem to think Saint Tone is pretty much infallible and can do no wrong.

Now you can either go with the "everything Gordoom touches turns to shit" school of thought, or there was a deliberate attempt to rub Saint Tone's nose in it knowing full well that the rest of the EU club are never going to countenance having Bliar as their new gangleader. But how to spin it to the general public?

On QT on Thursday, they tried ever so hard but failed to convince that Saint Tone would be best placed and it would benefit Britain having him at "the heart of Europe". Well not so, the only interests Tone has at heart is his own property and investment portfolio. It's more what the EU Presidency can do for him ratheer than what he can do for the EU Presidency. Limpbiscuit Oprik (two time celebrity shagger), wanted Charles Kennedy as EU President. I somehow don't think having Charlie hosting chanpagne breakfasts is very wise, do you?

Anyway, I'm leaning towards Gordoom shafting (in the metaphorical sense, not the literal sense because as we all know - he's not gay) rather than supporting Saint Tone. Having seen that tactic work once, he's now thrusting David Milibanana forward as EU Foreign Minister. That's right, lets have an EU Foreign Minister that has managed to cause diplomatic incidents almost everywhere he has been, and keeps his intellectual capacity in that banana shaped valise he carries with him to Labour Party conferences. Still as an avowed commie bastard, just like his commie dad he should fit right in.

The real reason Gordoom has got the pom-poms out for little David is that the new post would put him out of harm's way and preventing Minibanana from becoming leader of the Labour Party. Remember "no time for a novice"? If nothing else, Gordoom is pretty darn good at bearing a grudge.

Gordoom wants little Eddie Bollocks to succeed him. Well if that doesn't finish the Labour Party as a force in British politics, nothing will.

Children of Britain

Henry Crun — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 09:53:47 +0000

Not my work - but reproduced by kind permission of Dungeekin:

"...hardly a week passed by in which The Times did not carry a paragraph describing how some eavesdropping little sneak - 'child hero' was the phrase generally used - had overheard some compromsing remark and denounced its parents to the Thought Police." 1984, George Orwell.
Children of Britain! Adults are evil.

They are not allowed to supervise you at play. They are adults, therefore they are paedophiles.

They are responsible for the destruction of the planet. They are adults, therefore they are planet-killers.

They make the rules that stifle the personal expression of young people. They are adults, therefore they are dictators.

Children of Britain! Adults are evil creatures who cannot be trusted to look after your own best interests. Labour loves you. Labour cares.

Labour make sure that your time in Reception-class is not wasted with reading and writing, but instead learning what food has too much salt in so you can educate your parents*.

Labour make sure that your Reception reading books have no words in so that your imagination can run free and unfettered by nasty things like literacy*.

Labour make sure that you can rob people's houses and, if the nasty adults defend themselves and their property, THEY go to jail.

Labour make sure that you have a nice benefits system so that you can breed at will and be paid for it. And the teachers will help your friends to do the same.

Labour and her friends make sure that there's plenty of celebrity news on telly, so that you don't have to bother your heads with independent thought.

Children of Britain! Do not trust grownups. Grownups don't care for you like Labour does.

Watch the grownups around you, and report their crimes whenever you can.

Children of Britain! Love Labour. Join the Junior Spies today.

* Dungeekin is attending parents' evening at his son's school next week, I'm not sure how his son's ~~programmers~~ teachers will respond to Dungeekin's forthright opinions. At a guess I'd safely say that there would be a lot of harrumphing if he were to be nominated for school governor.