Buff Hoon and Patsy "Honey I Bankrupted the NHS" Hewitt starred in yesterday's failed coup attempt to prise Gordoom Brownfinger's chewed to the cuticle fingernails from the levers of power. Or at least the false lever that Little Lord Fondleboy has installed at No10 Downing Street. No one in their right mind, and I'm sure there may be one or two in the Labour Party, would actually let Gordoom near anything that resembles anything to do with power. Except maybe a light switch or the electric kettle.

Now two things sprung to mind about the farago yesterday. The first is that it was either a desperate attempt by friends of Saint Tony Bellum Illegalis to exact revenge on Gordoom, which only served to demonstrate that the Labour Party couldn't organise a gang bang in a brothel. Or it was a cleverly orchestrated charade by Little Lord Fondleboy to keep Gordoom firmly in place regardless of the outcome of the forthcoming election. Make no mistake, Fondleboy has his own Macchiavellian agenda to secure his own future before Labour's inevitable electoral annihilation, and any risk of that agenda being thwarted will see him stop at nothing to mitigate that risk.

So, we are still stuck with the miserable Scottish bastard until the election. The only good thing is that it will make the schadenfreude taste all the sweeter on election night. Celebratory brandy and cigars ready and waiting.