A last ditch attempt to grab some summer sun and enjoy a BBQ or two before the autumn comes and swine flu wipes us all out.

Back in a couple of weeks. If Gordoom is still in No10 when I get back, I shall be most disappointed. Hopefully, some disgruntled Yank will do an Oswald on him.

Is it me, or am I the only one that can see the SNP have been well and truly stitched up by Gordom and Little Lord Fondleboy?

Let's not be not be naive, Tony the TV Evangelist made overtures to Gadaffi in 2007 before he handed the whole sorry mess over to Gordoom, Gordoom has met with and been exchanging little billets-doux with the Colonel in recent weeks, and Fondleboy has, true to form, met with Gadaffi Jnr. You can't tell me that not once, the Berti Basset al-Megrahi case come up in conversation, along the lines of: " Tell you what Mr. Brownfinger, we'll sign the oil deals, if you let al-Megrahi go free"

"But that would upset President Omaha Beach"

"Fuck Obama, he is just Arab patsy"

"OK, if you say so Mr Colonel, but just keep my name out of it, otherwise I won't get the next series of West Wing box set."

Gadhaffi Jnr said he wouldn't be making any comment on the matter, at least not until his bum was better also. Lord Fondleboy went on telly to protest too much about how offensive it was to suggest theat Gordoom had anything to do with it, and his bum wasn't better either.

North of the Border, Salmond and MacAskill, realising that the whole case against Berti Basset was shaky to say the least, decided that the right thing to do was send the bugger home and the hell with the Septics. After all, the biggest market for Scotch is not due south of Toronto but the Middle and Far East, and let the merkins drink their own Jack Daniels rotgut.

Gordoom faces the press later today...expect him to say nothing of any substance and to wash his hands of the whole affair.

UPDATE: At the press conference, Gordoom ran true to form: : "I was both angry and I was repulsed by the reception that a convicted bomber guilty of a huge terrorist crime received on his return to Libya."

I'll bet you were, especially after you specifically asked Gadaffi not to.

With apologies to Joyce Grenfell:

Good morning children. That's right, sit on the chair Chardonnay. No don't show your knickers dear, young ladies shouldn't do that sort of thing. You aren't wearing any? Well dear you should, there's no telling what you catch off the community centre chairs. No, no, you won't get pregnant from the toilet seat. What's that? You asked Tyrone to jizz on it first...well I'm sure Tyrone is sensible enough to keep his jizz to himself. He isn't? Well Chardonnay, after class just go down the hall to Nurse Burnham and she will give you a morning after pill.

Right then, today we're going to learn how to catch the bus. No LaTisha, it isn't another term for drug taking. George, George..don't do that! What's the first thing we do when we want to catch the bus. What's that Kamal? They don't have buses in Somalia...well Kamal, a bus is a large vehicle for carrying people around town. No, Kamal, it isn't a flat bed truck, a bus has seats that you can sit on. What's that Vicky? Yes I'm afraid some children do rip the seats with their flick knives. We'll leave our flick knives in our lockers today.

What's the first thing we do when we want to catch the bus? No Liam, we do do not run after it and try and jump on the back. That's right Courtney, we wait at the bus stop. Until the bus arrives Kai, and no we won't kick the bus shelter to bits. Kai, did your carer include your medication in your lunch pack today? Oh good! Go and get your sandwiches now please. When the bus arrives, what do we do? No Hayden, we do not run out into the road to flag it down. We wait until it stops and the driver opens the door. No, Kamal you may not shoot the driver and hijack the bus. I don't care what your brother did in Mogadishu.

Right then. When you get on the bus, you tell the driver where you want to go and he'll tell you how much you have to pay. No Kamal, you may not call the driver a motherfucker.

Now we're on the bus, what do we do. No Tyrone, you do not sit behind  Mrs. Harman and feel her bottom through the gap in the seat. Yes I know she doesn't like men, but that's no reason to taunt her. Your stop is approaching and you now want to get off. What do we do? No Chardonnay flashing your bits at the driver is more likely to make him crash into a lamppost. That's right Jayden, you ring the bell. Yes, just the once. No not all the way from the time you got on, it's a bus not a fire engine.

Right, are we ready to go? I'm not sure whether it counts as a GCSE but the nice people at the AQA have sent me these lovely certificates to give you when we get back. George, oh George...don't do that!

Just a note to the those who come here and leave comments and/or trackbacks that try and promote legal services, tamiflu, other analgesics and sundry penis enlargement or sexual performance enhancing drugs:

You are wasting your time...your comments will be deleted, you won't get paid by the ignoramus who pays you per click to promote the above listed shite, and your IP address will be blocked. In short, if you haven't anything pertinent to say, then fuck off over to Labourlost I'm sure those fuckwits would be glad of the boost in visitor numbers.

When the story first broke, the nation was saddened, angered and disgusted. Saddened at the death of a little boy, angered that such injuries could go unnoticed by "qualified" medical staff and social workers, and disgusted by the treatment meted out to one so young by what can only be described as a piece of shit who deserves nothing less than being shanked in the shower block; disgusted by the shrill blame shifting and arse covering by Sharon Shoesmith and the claim for compensation by a clearly incompetent doctor.

Guthrum has posted on his blog today:


There's nothing more to add to that.

I use an American Express card to cover business expenses. Thiswas useful travelling across the continent where American Express is almost accepted everywhere you go.

This year my travel has been curtailed as I find myself working from a home base more and more. Last week I received a letter from American Express. They have decided to penalise me because I don't use their card much anymore. They have now put up the interest on my card up to 22.9% p.a, or 1.74% per month. I have responded:

Dear Sir

 

I am in receipt of your letter dated 26 July 2009 and wish to advise that I DO NOT accept the terms of your letter at all. 22.9% p.a. Are you insane? This is not an interest rate, this is USURY. How dare you charge such an interest rate when the base rate is less than 1%! It would be cheaper to visit Fingers the Loan Shark at the end of the street.

 

I consider this account to be closed and you can be rest assured that I will NEVER take up another American Express product for as long as I draw breath. I shall also recommend to my friends, colleague and acquaintances that they do likewise.

 

The credit card is enclosed, in small pieces. I think you know what you can do with them.