In order to avoid a whole summer of backpage headlines of the "Will he -Won't he" variety that so plagued Patrick Vieira's Arsenal off-seasons, Ronaldo has decided he's had enough of the miserable red git at Old Trafford and swapped Manchester for Madrid.

The Sun, Mirror and other gutter-press comics are said to be incensed. It means an entire summer of empty column inches in the Sports section. Their only hope is that England players are videod pissing through the letter box at No10 Downing Street.