Backpackers and holidaymakers going to Far Eastern destinations would do well to heed the following warning:

If, by some misfortune, you find yourself in trouble with the local authorities in some third world shithole, make contact with either the British Embassy, Consulate, or High Commission. Ask them to ensure, that under no circumstances whatsoever is David Milibanana or Gordoom Brownfinger to involve themselves in any way whatsoever. No one listens to those two useless fuckers anyway.