So, the Germans (don't mention ze vor) aren't able to send troops to Afghanistan to support the NATO contingent, because they aren't allowed out after dark. What?

Does the German army suffer from collective night blindness, or are they frightened of being hit by a batter pudding (curse these German matches). Apparently, they aren't trained to fight at night. Right that's it then, as soon as it's dusk get the tanks rolling across the Ruhr, and its ours.

Still, if you were a German soldier, you wouldn't want to get involved in a war again anyway. No-one wants to go three for three.

This morning I had the misfortune of being dragged into the supermarket. Whilst waiting for Mrs Gos to return from the fruit and veg aisle, I guarded the trolley near the detergent section. I happened to spy one of the special offers - Bold washing tablets. The strapline on the shelf read "9 out 10 women love Bold".

9 out of 10. So that means that there's at least one awkward bitch who doesn't.

And if anyone disagrees, you can just fuck off.

Life on Mars is simply the best thing the BBC have ever put on the small screen - no argument. I can safely say that Tuesday nights are now sacrosanct. Kids in bed by 9pm and me in front of telly.

The characterisations are spot on.

Sam Tyler - what's going on there? I can't wait to find out the explanation for how he landed in 1973. Is it a figment of his coma induced imagination or some sort of psychological experiment, or even a Dr Who-esque time travel thing.

Gene Hunt - the obvious homage to The Sweeney apart, he makes this series. Hard as nails, does things his own way but still maintains the overriding principal of keeping the villains off the streets. Oh, and he's a Manchester City season ticket holder as well.

The writers and producers have got it right in terms of only making two series of eight episodes each. Any more than that and the story lines would start to thin out, characters would become tired and cliched. The main danger would be to follow the American model of just being a ratings chaser. Like Lost - what the fuck is that about? I lost (no pun intended) interest after about 5 episodes of the first series. The characters weren't even worth caring about. If the whole lot had perished in the plane crash I don't think I could have cared any less. The lead actress was about the only thing the series had going for it and then it turns out she's shagging the Hobbit bloke in real life. And the fat guy - stranded on an island for months on end and he never loses any weight! Perhaps that's why people kept disappearing - Fatty was eating them. That's the problem with Yankee TV programmes - they never know when enough is enough. They'll drag programmes out interminably with increasingly implausible plot lines and introduce new characters that add nothing to the series at all. It's the same with the comedy series - they only get shit-canned once the ratings drop whilst the series itself becomes catchphrase ridden formulaic and unfunny or even worse, twee.

The decision to keep Life on Mars to just 16 episodes is definitely the right one. I'd hate it if I became bored with it or just lost interest.

I got an email from Tony Blair - http://www.grumpyoldsods.co.uk/blog/_WebPages/Blairmail.html. Then again so did 1.7m other people opposed to the governments new revenue raising scheme aka road pricing. And I bet everyone got the same email, I doubt that Tone was up all night replying to each and everyone of us - and he probaly got one of his staffers, in whom he has the utmost confidence, to do it using a fancy piece of email broadcasting software.

My main gripe is not road pricing per se, particularly if it replaces existing methods of road taxation (fuel duty and annual car tax) but the fact that we will have a differentiated pricing model of paying more at peak times. In other words, we will be penalised for going to work. You know, that place we begrudgingly go to every day to earn money to keep a roof over our heads, feed, clothe and educate our children and PAY TAX ON, and will then have to pay for the privilege. So really it's just a tax on going to work.

If the government is keen to reduce congestion - something which John Prescott failed miserably to deliver even though he promised he would resign if he didn't fulfil his promise. Now the fat git gets paid for doing bugger all. OK, he gets paid to sleep on those uncomfortable green benches in the House of Commons.

Now, a bit of joined up thinking is required. To reduce congestion you need to remove the unnecessary journeys at peak times - ie. mummies who think paedophiles lurk around every corner just waiting for Tarquin and Portia on the way to and from school so they need a huuuuuuuge 4X4 to ferry them along the bus route to St. Incestia's 200 yards from where they live. So, how about subsidising school busses. Oh, that's right the government already do. But they have now removed that subsidy - good thinking Gordon.

There is a webchat with the Road's Minister Dr. Stephen Ladyboy on the Downing Street website (http://www.pm.gov.uk/output/Page11046.asp) on Thurs 22 Feb at 4pm. I shall be asking him some challenging questions - if he deigns to answer I'll let you know.

Oh and the environmental excuse? Don't even get me started on that - that's just fraud, that is.

Over the past week or so, I have been getting a lot of trackbacks on this blog. "Well that's good", you may think. I thought so too, my talent for writing complete drivel is being appreciated at long last. So I started to investigate where these trackbacks were coming from.

One in particular links straight back to the Google homepage. Turns out that some, shall we say less than reputable web-marketing companies (I prefer to categorise marketing companies as fuckwits - but that's borne by personal experience of having worked for those from the shallow end of the gene pool), are actually hiring people to create trackbacks in order to boost Google ratings. I say "hiring" but it is more like exploitation of the unsuspecting and indolent. Fortunately, Google have wised up to this and have created a "nofollow" attribute that is automatically inserted into the trackback and ergo no difference is made to the Google rating at all.

Using an IP lookup tool it seems as though these trackbacks originate from the Russian Federation. Quelle surprise. I suspect though that a Russian ISP is being used to mask the origin of what amounts to an unnecessary nuisance. Besides, my blog settings are such that if you do trackback to any of my articles the no follow tag is activated or you will be spam trapped and the trackback will be deleted and blocked automatically. I wouldn't mind so much if the pages that the trackbacks link to look plausible - but they don't. "dog-fecal-incontinence.html" and "fisting-old-aged-women.html" isn't really going to inspire me to want to trackback to that page. As open-minded as I am, those are not the sorts of subjects with which I wish to associate this blog.

I also suspect that the companies hiring these fuckwits to boost their google ratings are probably less than ethical in their own business dealings and are therefore fuckwits by association. If not, then you are being duped and spending a goodly portion of cash for little or no return.

So, fuckwits. Trackback all you like - it makes not one iota of difference.

One week it's "Global Warming - Oh My God We're All Going to Die", the next it's "Snow Brings Country (i.e., London and The South East) to a Halt - Thousands Stranded"

At work this morning - the following email bulletin was despatched:

"Good morning,
 
Due to severe weather conditions and not all staff making it to the office, there will be NO sandwich service today.
 
We also have a shortage of milk, we have creamers and a few milk portions available which I will place in the kitchens a.s.a.p."

Severe weather conditions? It's snow. In winter. How is that severe? And why won't the sandwich man be coming? Has he got frosbite and now can't slap some butties together? And a milk shortage - did the cows' udders freeze up? Send some useless twat from marketing across the road to the shop for a couple of pints - that should tide us over until the thaw. Jesus wept.

What is wrong with people that they can't cope with a light dusting of snow. Heaven forfend that these "people" don't live in Scandinavia or Canada where there are a few feet of snow on the ground for months at a time. Do those countries suddenly stop work, do their airports close? Of course not. They cope with it.

In Scandinavia, motorists drive according to the conditions. Here (or at least on the M25) if the fuckwit in the Beemer has to drive at less than 80mph it's a national disaster.

The BBC seem to think that there is nothing more newsworthy today than the weather and travel disruption. Even the London Underground has been affected. How? These are trains that travel in tunnels for fuck sake. Schools have closed - yet another excuse for lazy-arsed teachers to have a day off in addition to the hundred or so "inset" days they feel obligated to have off each year. Is this what we're reduced to - not going to work because the weather's a little on the inclement side? Imagine how far Roald Amundsen and Scott of the Antarctic would have got if they had looked out the tent flap in the morning and thought "It's snowing a bit out there. I'll be fucked if I'm going out in this". Scott was eventually - but that's beside the point.

The best yet is the advice on the BBC website that People who must travel are advised to take warm clothes, food, water, a torch and a spade. - Well of course I'm going to put a jumper and coat on - it's not exactly midsummer but what's the point of the food and water? Oooooh you could be stuck outside in the dark for at least an hour or two. Blimey if you can't survive a couple of hours without so much as a biscuit you deserve hypothermia. As for the water - don't eat the yellow snow!