Synopsis.

It is 2010 and Great Britain is the grip of a deadly swine flu epidemic. Industry has ground to a halt, the economy is in collapse, and the NHS is unable to cope.

But how did it come to this? Roll back to 2008. The British Government is in meltdown, poll ratings are through the floor, the Prime Minister is deeply unpopular. One critical piece of legislation need to be ratified in order to satisfy a secret cabal within the government. A cabal whose origins stretch back deep into the Third Reich. The legislation would see Great Britain become part of a Federal Socialist European State but events elsewhere delay ratification in Westminster. There is a danger that a general election, which the ruling party would be resoundingly defeated would precede ratification. With opposition parties promising to let the British people decide. The cabal decide to take swift action to protect their own interests.

One Minister, a member of the cabal, hatches a plan to delay the general election. He contacts a cabal member working for a pharmaceutical research facility. Together they create a flu-like virus that is debilitating but not deadly. As a test run, they release it into the general population at a popular hotel resort in Latin America. The virus takes hold and quickly mutates into a deadly strain and sweeps across the globe. In Britain, the election is postponed and the EUSSR legislation passes through Westminster by ministerial decree but a single blogger uncovers the cabal's secret and all hell breaks loose.

The cabal decide to cover their tracks. The Minister is assassinated by a member of the Brazilian Secret Service posing as a rent boy. The Prime Minister is found dead in the cabinet office, spatchcocked across a rocking horse, the words "I always tell the truth" written in blood on the walls......

Any character resemblence to anyone living or dead is entirely coincidental. It is only a story after all and not like the shite that Dan Brown writes which people take as fact and go on "pilgrimages" to uncover what is essentially a load of old bollocks.

Following reports of DNA samples stored in a freezer with tubs of ice cream, here's a scene from the latest offering of the CSI: franchise

Grissom: Ay up Brass, we've just 'ad DNA results back from rape case.

Brass: Oh aye, and 'oo did it.

Grissom: Well, you'll not believe it when ah tells thee that DNA is bovine.

Brass: What's bovine, when its at home?

Grissom: Cows, man. Cows.

Brass: So how did victim get cow DNA up her chuff.

Grissom: Dunno. Let's ask Katherine.

They go down the hall to Katherine's office.

Grissom: Ay up lass.

Katherine: Ay up duck.

Brass: Tell me about rape victim.

Katherine: Not much to tell. She's a big lass and we found her trussed up in a farmer's field. Can't remember what 'appened at all.

Grissom: Dairy Farm?

Katherine: Ay, 'ow did you know?

Brass: Never mind. Case closed. What these young lasses will get up to these days, ay!

Another Gordoom promise has been swiftly debunked for the headline grabbing cockwaffle that usually passes the dysfunctional Prime Mentalist's lips.

Yesterday, Gordoom promised:

In every part of the country, there is an urgent need for new social housing and for new affordable home ownership. So the Minister for Housing is announcing that in the next two years—from the re-allocation of funds—we will more than treble the extra investment in housing: from the £600 million announced in the Budget to a total of £2.1 billion from today. That will finance over the next 24 months a total of 110,000 affordable homes to rent or buy and in doing so create an estimated 45,000 jobs in construction and related industries.

By building new and additional homes we can now also reform social housing allocation, enabling local authorities to give more priority to local people whose names have been on waiting lists for far too long. We will consult on reforms to the council house finance system to allow local authorities to retain all the proceeds from their own council house sales and council rents. We want to see a bigger role and responsibility for local authorities to meet the housing needs of people in their areas.

The Shadow Housing Minister, Grant Shapps has said: "Under existing legislation and Harman's new equality law, local people will not have priority for local homes." Mad Hattie will be delighted!

Joined up government in action! Uncosted expenditure for re-announced relaunched pronouncements. Gordoom rehashes policy that HE thinks will make HIM look good without any proper research into the consequences of forthcoming legislation. He also fobs responsibility off onto the local authorities so that when the whole thing turns to shit, as it inevitably will, he can do his usual "Not me, guv" and duck back down behind the sofa. We are not fooled.

At PMQs tomorrow expect the usual bullshit bingo catchphrases of  "increase in public spending....unlike the party opposite who will cut spending by 10%...do nothing party...we are the party who would help the unemployed unlike the party opposite who opposed these measures...we are the party of investment, they are the party of cuts..." from the one-eyed drivelmonger.

H/T b3ta.com

Michael Jackson is DEAD....you have to hand it to him it's a great career move.

I have had to forcibly restrain myself from blogging about the so-called King of Pop but with 24 hour news coverage on Sky and BBC News 24 from outside the "Jackson Compound" I can no longer remain silent. Firstly let me qualify that I am no fan of either the (alleged) pop-paedophile or his whiny drivel that passes for music or his penchant for cosmetic surgery, skin bleaching and wearing gloves for no apparent reason. As far as I can tell, Jackson was seriously psychologically damaged - I mean who the fuck names a child Blanket?

However, what has sickened me is the various gold-diggers and hangers on. In life, Jackson had every whim indulged and in death the same parasites - Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Farrakhan's Nation of Islam (who allegedly rent a house to the Jackson entourage at 5 time the going rate) will pick over his bones in the quest for publicity and/or money. Thing is, his parents and siblings are just as bad - yes they will circle the wagons and plead for privacy in grief, but in all probability will sell exclusive photo rights of the funeral to the highest bidder. Then there will be the endless tribute tours, books, souvenirs, Greatest Hits albums etc etc ad nauseam all waiting to be sold to the sheeple who love Michael blah blah blah. There will be the inevitable appearances on Oprah about how Michael never had a proper childhood, was a victim of his own success,...excuse me while I go and throw up. Endless TV interviews with other so called pop stars about how they worked with/always wanted to work with Michael Jackson, anniversary tribute programmes...how long before the "he's not really dead, he's just dropped out of the limelight, no-one saw his body, he's working in a childrens home" conspiracy theories appear in National Enquirer?

The tasteless jokes have already whizzed round the internet, but the best was the one I saw on b3ta.com posted by BratislavBanana:



Genius!

My daughter has a recommended reading list from school which contain a number of Jacqueline Wilson books, namely Cookie and The Lottie Project. So of we go to the local library and pick up both these books. But there was something in the blurb of both books that struck me - see if you can pick it out.

On Cookie:


The Lottie Project:

A couple of weeks ago I posted about the bald, hairdryer using Labour Party Commissar to the High Peak, Tom Levitt. An MP who has consistently voted along with the interests of his party rather than the people he represents. Yesterday, he confirmed everything that was being denied by Labour apparatchiks - that the vote for the Speaker was being whipped. Here's an excerpt from his newsletter:

Topical notes

Parliament has now published all MPs' expense claims for the past four years, though mine were already available on my web site. Although I was offered the chance to black out ('redact') more sensitive information, I did not ask for any redaction to take place. Those entries which have been blacked out are either in line with Data Protection and privacy laws (so I am told) or are irrelevant or superfluous, such as comp slips.
 
I shall choose between John Bercow and Margaret Beckett in casting my vote for Speaker. 

 

So Tom, in one fell swoop you reveal your true colours. You do not have the best interests of Parliament or the Country at heart. It is the same old chippy politics of sticking two fingers up at the Tories. The last desperate act of a desperate government. That majority of 700 is looking more and more shaky as time goes by, Tom. Time to start looking at retirement village brochures.

Perusing the weekend papers, there are two articles that sum up the Prime Mentalists state of mind.

Firstly Saturday's Guardian lead article: where Gordon states that he "could walk away tomorrow.


Oh please do Gordon, for all our sakes. And as for those "personal attacks" - take note, because despite Ayatollah Mandesailor whispering sweet nothing in your ear, that is what we, the electorate (apart from the rump 15% or so that would vote for dogshit were it to wear a red rosette) really think of you. Yes we do...incompetent, inept, socially retarded and an embarrassment to the nation that we actually let you out of doors on your own let alone meet the US President.

As for going into teaching - would you pass the CRB check Gordon? Would you really? And even if you did, I could think of nothing worse to inflict on a student than to have them sit through one of your classes while you drone on and on reciting lists of tractor statistics. Hang on....here's a thought; yes do go into teaching...it would be a fine incentive to students. If they don't behave they get to spend an hour's detention in one of your classes. Good behaviour would sky rocket and truancy would be wiped out almost overnight.


To be honest you say. Gordon you don't KNOW how to be honest. Your entire career is built around lying, spinning and malicious rumour. Just look at the people you have surrounded yourself with; McBride, Whelan, Watson, Balls, Hain, Jowell, Harman and Mandesailor - the most mendacious, dishonest bunch of people ever to have held public office. Okay, maybe not Harman - she's just barking.

As for what would be good for your children, the best thing is keep them away from any books on you, or newspapers, or the internet. In fact, don't teach them to read at all, you'll save a fortune in therapist's fees in years to come. And for their own sake, don't teach them the same "Prebyterian values" your father bestowed on you - look how that turned out.

The second article is in The Sunday Times: News of a further cabinet split.

GORDON BROWN is facing fresh cabinet disquiet about his leadership after senior ministers in a meeting at No 10 openly questioned his tactics for taking on the Tories.

The prime minister was challenged at a session of the full cabinet last week after he insisted Labour should fight the general election on a platform of more public spending in contrast to Tory “cuts”. He is determined to repeat the tactic that helped Labour win in 2005, despite the economic recession making significant spending increases impossible.

And


Riiiiight. So Gordon throws another wobbler. All that mea culpa, oh woe is me, I promise I'll be agood boy stuff at the PLP meeting the other week - that was a complete sham. All bullshit. Gordon is incapable of change, it's not in his nature. He can't have things his own way, so he throws a little strop and takes his Noah's Ark animal set and buggers off to play on his own.

You see, the tone of both these articles is me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me and the nasty Tories....not a though about the country or how to get us out of the mess that Gordon got us in in the first place, no thought about putting the interests of the people first. It's all me; please feel sorry for me; it's not me it's those nasty Tories that caused all this with their lack of policies; vote for me or those Tories will be the government - not me.

Gordon, if you really are serious, then do us all a favour. Call your own bluff and walk away. Sit down this afternoon at Chequers and write up your resignation letter. And first thing tomorrow give the Queen a call and tell her you want to see her, take a ride up the mall and hand in that letter. Go on, if you are man enough.

Would love to be a fly on the wall when the Camerons are invited to the Merkels for dinner.

In order to avoid a whole summer of backpage headlines of the "Will he -Won't he" variety that so plagued Patrick Vieira's Arsenal off-seasons, Ronaldo has decided he's had enough of the miserable red git at Old Trafford and swapped Manchester for Madrid.

The Sun, Mirror and other gutter-press comics are said to be incensed. It means an entire summer of empty column inches in the Sports section. Their only hope is that England players are videod pissing through the letter box at No10 Downing Street.